What a journey! I was reminded the other day by a sweet friend that I never did write the rest of the story. I finally made our family photo album from last year and that was my own personal elephant in the room. I didn’t really want to revisit those memories. For the bulk of the last year it was just easier to stow it away and not deal with it. I made the album about a month ago and it was challenging and cathartic for me.
Below is the beginning [aka, part 2 of my writing] of our/my story with baby David. There are bits that are unsettling, please only read on if you are okay with that. We know that everyone has a story, and this is ours. However it makes anyone feel, I hope that it is for the good.
August 26th started early that morning with contractions which I thought were pretty odd for Braxton Hicks. I’d heard there was the possibility of them actually hurting but had previously only experienced ones that were very uncomfortable. Sometime around 5am-ish I noticed them. Around 7am-ish I could no longer sleep through them and by 9am-ish we were in my Ob-gyn’s office. He had us tracking the timing for about an hour to look for increase in frequency and/or pain. But they stayed random. He offered for us to go to the hospital so they could administer an iv that would help stop the labor but we didn’t have insurance. So instead he gave us a prescription for the same drug and really detailed instructions on how to monitor the drug intake, etc. We went home and I took the drugs immediately. And by immediately I mean SEVERAL LONG HOURS LATER when the scrip was finally filled. Oh. My. Gosh. It is such a blessed thing that we cannot hurt others with our thoughts. Those unfortunate pharmacists would have had a bad day. Eventually the medicine kicks in, but barely. Our detailed descriptions included keeping track of my heart rate and using that as a barometer of how much medicine my body was able to tolerate. So that was freaky and weird. We kept ‘layering’ the meds as long as my heart rate stayed in the ‘not pounding’ range. Aaron did his level best to keep the situation safe and accurately monitored but I could tell he was very uncomfortable with it all. Aaron was/is my rock. That day he was steady and solid in the face of dire circumstances. He trusted in the Lord and did not lean to his own understanding. At one point I HAD to get in the bath. I say HAD because the pain was such that I was starting to lose my ability to focus, breathe, and stay calm. The hot [as I could stand it/deemed safe] bath did wonders. When pain like that eases up your emotions, brain, body, your EVERYTHING gets a much needed break. It’s like treading water for what seems like forever and then getting to lay down for a bit. My brain only thought, “Ahhhhhhh….” Did the pain stop? No. Was it back into a place where I could cope, YES! In and out several times. At one point while I was in I asked Aaron, “What is the Lord telling you about this?” He said, “That it will be okay.” See, we had been praying throughout the day [some prayers more reverent than others, lol] and asking everyone to pray because the labor was so painful and intense. Labor is supposed to be that way, but not TWO MONTHS before you are due!!!! My spirit bore witness to what Aaron said and I took that as my word from the Lord for this situation, regardless. Labor continued on, several phone calls were made to our Doctor, and he advised to stay at home unless anything on a certain ‘go to the hospital NOW’ criteria list were made. So we stayed home. I repeatedly told Aaron the situation was NOT improving the contractions were MUCH more intense, etc etc. See, we know God is faithful. And we “knew” the labor needed to stop, so that is what we were looking for. Sweet, faithful Aaron called the hospital for me yet again. Yet again they affirmed the Doctor’s advice and said there were no beds available anyway. Unless I was for sure in labor [still in doubt at this point because of our steadfast hope] or in case of anything happening that was on that emergency list, I was to stay home. In the middle of yet another version of that same discussion, where Aaron was doing a beyond amazing job of calming me and reassuring me, things changed abruptly. A state of emergency happened. My water broke, and that plus blood went everywhere, definitely on the emergency list. Time to go.
Since we already know that it is a full year later and our miracle baby is gorgeous and healthy I am going to pause the story to tell the real story. The story above is merely a description of what happened. The story for me really begins when we went to Kairos at our church, Gateway. It was our first opportunity to go, stress free, and alone. Believe me this is much BIGGER than it sounds. We had been trying to go for a year and had even registered several times and had to email the day before to cancel. God is so big. God is so good. He is El Roi, the God who sees. I’m getting choked up writing this part. He sees. He sees. I cannot overstate that, loved one. He sees. We went to Kairos the first weekend of August. I have no words big enough, fancy enough, or descriptive enough. I went that first day with only a few hours of sleep [oh, the joys of the last trimester] but decided that NOTHING was going to keep me from laying it all, open and raw, for my Creator, my King, my Father. He ministered to me about things I would have NEVER guessed. Never. And Aaron too. I came that weekend without realizing that I felt like road kill, in every possible area. I left feeling brand new, shiny, clean, whole, loved, held, seen. I’m telling you words cannot ever be adequate. God met me and ministered to all of my hearts desires, and then ministered to so many more that I would have never guessed in a million years. He is always Ephesians 3:20 – Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us,. Believe me, this is relevant to the story. God sees. He knew WHAT we needed, and WHEN we needed it. We laid it bare before Him. He met us. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the entire story would have been different without all the setup and all the timing. The entire day of labor with David was faith filled, and I mean the kind of faith where you can feel it, you can actually feel the strength of it, not the striving for it. Our Father gave us the gift of faith for this entire story before, during, and after its unfolding. We were wrapped safely in Him. The prayers of so many many saints buoyed us and gave us further and continued strength. I kid you not, we felt it. The list of people praying for us is so long, my heart melts when I think on that. Our friends and family were so faithful to us in that time, that day, and all the many many days to follow that felt like an eternity to us. Specific ones reached out and shared Scripture that became like a banner to me. I carry and wave that banner in my heart still. The picture in the collage in the top right corner is a product of one of those Scriptures.
And thus endeth part II. 🙂 It is my goal to finish this story now that I have really started it. I’m hoping to finish all the parts in the next week or two. Have a great day! You are loved!