My relief is palpable, to myself anyway, these days. Today I was able to clean up the post weekend crapfest that our house becomes AND THEN make a Costco run! That is something I’ve been looking forward to for a while. Collapsing after doing something difficult like making a sandwich [for myself] almost felt like the new normal. Thankfully after spending several weeks just laying on the bed the majority of the day, the blessed second trimester has arrived!!! All day every day nausea that keeps you bedridden is exhausting, oddly enough. I’m not really excited at the thought of becoming whale sized again. However, I am trusting God each day for the season I am in. Pregnancy as a whole is so much work that I find it best to keep my mind in the day that I’m living. Now, I can’t whine too much because early pregnancy [as in not the third trimester] brings with it the joyous ability to have a milkshake and fries here and there without blowing up the scales! Whee! I am at least giving a NOD to not making awful habits now though because too much indulgence leads to a rough third trimester if you get used to eating whatever whenever.
I think the thing I actually struggle with most is knowing my limits. I know I’ve met, exceeded, and gone WAAAAYYYY beyond when I find myself hollering at the children because I lost my patience. This is the hardest part of pregnancy. I want to show love and grace to my family and not turn into a monster for nine months. Preg-zilla anyone? Yeah, that has easily been me. Pastor Robert’s message yesterday was like healing balm to my heart. Jesus is not condemning. John 3:17 – [summary] for God did not send His Son into the world to condem the world, Romans 8 – [summary] there is NO condemnation for those in Christ Jesus, Romans – [somewhere, summary] God has declared us not guilty, John 16:8 – [summary] the Holy Spirit convicts us of righteousness!!!! I remind myself of these when I fail, which while I am pregnant is daily, sometimes hourly. So, really this is a nine month lesson in heart humility. I love basking in the knowledge that God loves me in my weakness, even then. The lyrics to “O The Blood” heal my heart every time. “Grace, How can it be, That in my sin, Yes even then, He shed His blood for me. The lyrics to “Oh How He Loves Me” come to mind, and I love the line, “I don’t have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way He loves me.”