1. That “ya’ll” and “fixin’ to” are a legitimate part of the English vocabulary. If you don’t say these phrases on a regular and consistent basis, we know right away that you aren’t from our neck of the woods. Oh, and “neck of the woods” – you have to say that too.
2. Chicken Fried Steak is a required part of every diet. Extra credit for mash potatoes, corn on the cob, and fried okra. And for the record, it’s not chicken fried steak unless it’s smothered in white cream gravy. I’ve heard rumors about restaurants in other states putting brown gravy on a fried chicken cutlet and trying to pass it off as chicken fried steak on the menu. That should be a crime, punishable by law.
3. Animals were made for eating. Get ready for the hate mail. I don’t mean to offend anyone here, but you can count the Vegetarians in our state on one hand. We like our crispy bacon and our backyard burgers. And while we’re on the subject, BBQ is not really BBQ unless it’s made from BEEF! What’s up with that faux pork BBQ stuff in AL, TN, and GA?
4. Humidity = Hair spray. Enough said. If you want to know which brand works best, ask any female from Houston. Trust me, these gals know their hair products. Should one of those Texas-sized tornadoes blow through town, they might lose their homes, but their big, shellacked hair helmets will remain right smack in place, not a hair out of place.
5. You can do serious jail time for picking bluebonnets (our state flower). Okay, not really, but we continue to pass along this tall Texas tale to our children and grandchildren in order to scare them half out of their wits, so they’ll leave these beauties untouched on the side of the road.
6. There is no such thing as “authentic Mexican food.” I’m guessing that some health freak in California probably coined the phrase. Enchiladas, by law must be topped with chili con carne, cheese, onions, and sitting in a pool of grease in order to qualify for Tex-Mex. Restaurants fixing them any other way in this state won’t be in business for long.
7. The weather is as unpredictable as a quirky middle school romance. It can be below freezing in the morning and in the 80’s by mid-afternoon. Oh, and when it freezes over every decade or so, everything shuts down because we don’t know what to do. Those who venture out usually end up on the evening news standing next to their banged-up car in a ditch with their heads bowed in shame.
8. There is only one “UT.” Wait, you didn’t know there’s another college out there claiming to be UT with some skewed shade of orange and white? (Cough, cough, Tennessee) I myself didn’t discover this fact until I traveled to Nashville for the first time in 1999 and saw the UT logo on shirts in the airport. I made a comment to my friend picking me up that it was “very cool that people as far away as Tennessee were following the Horns.” Yep, true story.
9. There is no such thing as a stranger. We are the “friendly state” and with that honor comes the responsibility of smiling, waving, or saying “hi” (or a combination of all three) to passers-by. If you don’t respond to our kind gesture, we automatically assume you are: A) hard of seeing and hearing or B) from New York.
10. We are proud, but not prideful. Big difference. We simply take great pride in being from Texas and can’t imagine living anywhere else. Whoops, I meant to say we are proud we are from Texas. ☺
Not from Texas? Well, bless your heart–we love you, anyways! Now, I gotta go ya’ll
EDIT** Being a proud native Texan, I found this very funny even if not 100% accurate.**